Siempre Estare Contigo (Part 1)

When I close my eyes, there is a stillness I cannot surpass. For that moment or less, I am back where my heart still beats. I am at that moment where time is just a number, but eternity is creeping in. I lay my head down and gaze at the spinning fan on my ceiling, and with a slow breeze I smell a mixture of different senses. From my head to my toes, I feel a gentle wind that carries memories back and forth. As I lay on my chest I feel my heart beating so strongly, like a father missing his long, lost son. I feel a rumbling that is like a drum tearing through the silence. I am in a state of confusion as my body lays here, but my heart and mind are longing to be somewhere else. A place where those who have found God worship Him for who He is and not what He's done for them.

I found this place in Haiti. 

It's often been said that to receive is to give a little. I learned that giving little has never given me what I truly wanted to receive. See the problem is that what I am giving up is not my own and that what I want to receive I am not deserving of anyways. It took me a journey to Haiti to finally see that to give God what He wants is not what we think we need to give Him. Oftentimes, we give God whatever we have left, whether it's time, money, love, or just a thought. As Americans, we are under the mindset that we need to be consumed by all the desires of the world to be fully satisfied, and whatever is left over, we can give to the poor. In reality, the poor are not the poor, and we are not wealthy. To the world this is a farce. To God this is the truth.

During my time in Haiti, I was fortunate to spend time with some amazing Haitians and get to understand what life is really like when God is the centerpiece and head of the household. I think oftentimes, that we put the head of our household ahead of who God is and that when we give our best, it is not our best, but our leftovers. God is not interested in leftovers. He wants the best. He wants to be worshiped for who He is and not what He's done. The Haitians get it. They really do. We got to witness Jesus loving Haitians who truly do worship God for who He is and not what He's done for them. This is a paradox in a sense as one may wonder how can Haitians worship God when He has given them not much? In reality, God has given them everything. This life we live in is not our own. This life we abide in will pass and all the riches we consume during it, will pass and be forgotten. They understand that God is a God of love and promise. They see that He has a plan for them and that He is using them in their places to further the Kingdom of God.

Many of us have had the opportunity to attend church here in America. But never have I seen what the real church looks like. That is until I went to a Haitian church. Talk about power, revival, and true God-driven worship! I stood there in awe as I gazed upon the beautiful faces of the Haitians and witnessed something I have rarely seen in my own home church: Worship of a God who is Alive! I saw worshipers who worshiped as if God was standing there in front of them and was not distant. Too often, we here in America, worship as if we are in a long distance relationship with a God who has hearing problems and is visually impaired. We stand by our chairs counting down the seconds till we can sit down. If our arms move it is usually to raise our hand to our mouths as we yawn or to stretch out. We worship as dead Americans. They worship like Alive Haitians! That is what I desire to be like. The more they spent time in worship, the more alive they became. By Wednesday, it was an all out dance party with every soul in the church dancing, singing, smiling and shouting for joy. The aisles were full and the seats empty. Every Haitian was moving, not to the beat of music, but to the presence of God face to face. It was a moment I will never forget. God had to send me to the Country of Haiti to remind me that He is alive and deserves to be worshiped like He is.

Why can't we become like the Haitians? Sure, they have their own struggles, and are less fortunate materialistically. But they have a love for God that makes our love look pathetic. Is God not worth worshiping for who He is and not what He's done? For as easy as it is for Him to give to us, it is easier for Him to take away. We have all seen how God can just take the things we love away in an instant. We've seen our homes, money, belongings, and our dearest loved ones taken away. This is not because He doesn't love us, rather it is for us to push forward and glorify Him for who He is. His blessings never fade away. Sometimes we just need to look deeper into where they are. I realized that if it weren't for the earthquake that devastated Haiti in 2010, I may have never had my heart torn apart and remade to finally understand who He is. My time there was not in vain. For I was there to serve, but was served more than I ever could have imagined. God taught me a lesson: that he deserves to be worshiped for who He is, now and forevermore. No matter what happens in life, His love never fails. We are now seeing the fruits of the devastation that came in 2010. The Haitians are finding God and are trusting in Him to guide them fully. They understand the power in worship in prayer.


In Haiti, my heart was captivated. Captivated by a people who I call family.


My body may be here, but my heart remains in Haiti.

Siempre Estare Contigo (Always be With You)


...to be continued