Dear God...

I've written this letter to you a million times yet I still can't figure out the right words to say. So I'm just going to let my heart speak. I can't sleep, I have totally lost my appetite and sometimes I don't feel well. But this letter is something I need to do. So here is my heart. First I want to tell you that I love you and thank you for always listening to me. Everytime I've needed you, you've been there. It seems like everytime my heart aches you whisper into my ear to write this letter to you. When I'm happy and overjoyed you want me to speak to you. When life itself comes to a stand still, you want me to call you. Why is it that everytime I need you, I do everything possible to not write this letter? I know you are there for me and I know you love me. Am I a bad person, am I not worthy to be called your son? Or is it that I go through challenges and tribulations to test me to see if I will come running to you. I'm sitting here wondering why I never wrote this letter to you yesterday, or the week before, or even last year when I needed you. Lord please forgive me for I have not told you how I feel. I promise I will try to talk to you more and tell you how I feel. Dad, how is it that you love me so much that you gave the only son you ever had for my sake? I am a liar and a sinner. I am lost and confused. I am everything that doesn't deserve to see your glory. I am here on my knees all alone looking up at the skies and seeing nothing but darkness. I feel brokenhearted, I feel happy, I feel every feeling that this world has to offer. Yet after everything is said and done, I still wonder why? How? I'm listening to a song called Amazing Because It is and I'm in tears. I think I understand. I think I can finally see why. Your love is not like mine. I can love a person to the point where if I had to decide to give up myself for their being, i'd think about it. That is my love. Mine comes and goes. But yours is different isn't it? I get it! Your love is a never ending, non doubting endless type of love. When I am down in the dumps you are there. When a friend of mine is hurt and I can't be there for them, you are always available. When a father is not around, you are there. You are my father. You are my friend. You are everything to me. I once was lost but now I'm found. You've opened my eyes to things unseen. I am no longer blind to the things of this world. You're amazing! Hey father can I tell you something? I don't know how to exactly say this but here it is. Sometimes I feel like my faith is overshadowed by doubt. Do you think i'm a bad person for feeling that way? I know that by faith I am to believe in things unseen. Sometimes Dad I feel like your disciple Thomas. Sometimes I want to see in order to believe. I don't want to believe like that. I want to believe through a faith so strong nothing can come between us. That is what i'm going to do. I will believe without seeing. I will give everything without expecting anything in return. I know you got my back in everything. I've decided that I will not be like Thomas because I don't need to see the evidence. I will let myself be the evidence. I will let you live through me. That is how I will be a faith believing person. I want to bring others to see your glory.

Well God it's getting late over here and I should probably be sleeping. I need to wake up in a few hours but I don't want to leave you. I feel like I can now talk to you as a friend. Thanks for listening and not interrupting me. Sometimes you need someone to just listen to you. I know this letter took me long enough but I'm glad I did it.

Thank you and I love you!

Sincerely,
Mankind